Are you in an abusive relationship? Are you unsure if your partner's behaviour is abusive? You're not alone. Many people are surprised when they realise that what they are experiencing is abuse and not just a "rough patch."
The first step to getting help is being able to identify the issues, so this list will help with that. This list does not cover every possible scenario of abuse; it's meant to give you some basic information about common signs. If any of these apply to you, it doesn't mean that your situation is hopeless or even necessarily bad — only that there might be issues worth exploring further. It's always best to talk things over with someone who cares about both parties' well-being before making any big decisions like moving out or calling the police.
Your partner's anger is frightening.
Of course, it's important to note that anger is a normal emotion. It can be a good thing when expressed healthily. However, if you're afraid of your partner's anger or afraid to say no to him or her because of how he or she reacts when angry, this can be a sign that you're involved in an abusive relationship.
You feel like you always have to walk on eggshells in your relationship.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may feel like you always have to walk on eggshells. You may be afraid to say or do the wrong thing, so you constantly try to avoid conflict by changing your behaviour and words around your partner. The problem with this is that it makes it hard for your partner to trust you; if they can’t count on you being consistent, they won’t be able to rely on anything else either.
It's important to remember that no one has the right to tell anyone else who they can or cannot be friends with (and likewise no one should ever feel pressured into leaving friendships). If your partner tries to control how much time or money is spent on activities outside of the home—or even worse threatens violence against those who might interfere with these demands—then this may indicate an abusive dynamic.
You feel afraid to say no.
This is one of the most important signs of an abusive relationship, and if you find yourself feeling this way a lot, it's time to think about getting out. If your partner tends to do things that you don't want them to do or don't like, but you don't speak up about it because of fear, then that's a sign that they're being abusive toward you. Saying "no" is a crucial part of any healthy relationship—it allows both partners in the relationship to have their autonomy and self-determination as individuals.
It's also okay for one person in the relationship (that would be YOU) to ask for some space or time alone once in a while; this doesn't mean that they don't love their partner anymore. It just means they need some space now and again so they can recharge themselves mentally before coming back together with their significant other at home later
The violence seems to come out of nowhere.
If your partner's violence is not predictable, it means that you never know when a situation might turn violent. You can't always gauge their moods or how they'll respond to things. The violence may also be triggered by seemingly small things like an insult or a minor disagreement. The smallest incident could set off the sudden rage that leads to physical abuse.
If the abuse happens after some type of provocation—even something as trivial as looking at them funny—it indicates that they are quick to anger and cannot control themselves in certain situations, which is another sign of abusive behaviour.
Your partner blames you or others for their problems or mistakes.
If a partner blames you or others for their problems or mistakes, they're likely trying to avoid taking responsibility. By blaming someone else, they're effectively saying that it's not their fault and thus shifting the blame onto someone else. This is a sign of insecurity and low self-esteem: if your partner can't take responsibility for themselves, they may try to control other people to feel better about themselves.
Another reason why your partner might constantly blame others is that they want power over you—and one way of gaining power over someone is by manipulating them into feeling like there's something wrong with them or that they're not good enough.
Your partner threatens to hurt you or someone you love.
One of the most important signs that your partner is abusive is if they threaten to hurt you or someone else. They may threaten to kill themselves, which can be an extreme form of psychological abuse. Their behaviour could also include threats to hurt others and make credible plans for doing so. If your partner has ever threatened to hurt or kill you or somebody else, this could be a sign that they are abusive—even if they didn't follow through on the threat.
Your partner doesn't want you to work or, if you do, doesn't want you to make more than they do.
If your partner doesn't want you to work or, if you do, doesn't want you to make more than they do, this is a huge red flag. Many abusers will forbid their partners from working to maintain complete control over them. This can be particularly harmful if the victim was planning on working outside the home as a way of gaining independence and self-confidence. After all, it's hard to feel confident when someone is telling you that what is best for their relationship isn't what is best for yours!
They try to control how you spend money or what kinds of clothes you wear.
No matter how much money you have, if your partner is controlling how you spend it or what kinds of clothes you wear, that's a sign of abuse. This can happen in small ways like taking control over who pays for lunch on the weekends and big ways like keeping track of your bank account online without telling you.
Seek help from a safe place such as a supportive friend or relative, a counsellor or a therapist.
If you are experiencing the signs of an abusive relationship, it is important to seek help from a safe place. This could be any number of people: a supportive friend or relative, a counsellor or therapist who can provide support.
It may seem scary but seeking assistance from an objective third party will help you to determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving and how best to go about doing so. From there, you can decide what you need to do for yourself and your well-being and what steps you need to take to get out of the relationship if that is what is best for you.
If you're not sure, talk to someone you trust who can listen without judgment and help guide you toward a safe place. Remember, the sooner you get out of an abusive relationship the better!
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